You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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