Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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