My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
