Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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