dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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