false alarm. still invincible.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
