I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
