cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize