you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mom said you looked used
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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