i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
