Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
