Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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