Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
