I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
