I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
