Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
