You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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