Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
