a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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