just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Im part way to drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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