come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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