Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I touched a dick in church today
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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