I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
