im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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