so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
