I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
