my sisters under your porch take her home
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
