Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You are the jesus of drinking
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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