I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
