I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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