"it" just moved
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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