so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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