I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize