you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
