I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
