my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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