I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
