I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i believe in u and ur pee
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize