I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
