Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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