Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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