Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
