I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry my hands just texted you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
