I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
