oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
