good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
