His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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