Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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