based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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