If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
