you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
