I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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