Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
