Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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