Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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