my sisters under your porch take her home
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize