omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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