addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
