the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize