Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
