So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
