i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
