OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
