i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
