Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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