i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
