please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
