Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize