Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
