Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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