If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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