are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
