i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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