just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
