you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize