Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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