My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
