I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
