Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
